By January Nelson Updated September 30, 2019.
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.17. If a mute kid swears does his mother wash his hands with soap?321. If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?222.
First woman: My son came to visit for summer vacation. We use cookies for analytics, advertising and to improve user experience. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. Always borrow money from a pessimist. One one-liner a day keeps the doctor away…so, here is a shortlist of the best one-liners you can find on the internet today.
2-sep-2018 - Bekijk het bord 'one liners...' van Lea Klinkhamer, dat wordt gevolgd door 108 personen op Pinterest. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.31.
Sex is not the answer. Outlaws are wanted.141. We'd love to know a bit more about our readers. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.82. I'm bacon!Why did the robot go on summer vacation? What’s my mother going to do?40. Beauty is only skin deep…but ugly goes all the way to the bone!370.
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To find out more see our A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.35.
By subscribing, you agree to the terms of our Materialism: buying things we don’t need with money we don’t have to impress people that don’t matter.172.
What has four legs and an arm?
Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day, nature is making bigger and better fools. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.13. Light travels faster than sound.
Our funny one-liner jokes are short, sweet and make you laugh. Toen al was bekend hoe belangrijk focus is. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.201. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.16.
I was such an ugly kid. Join TNW2020, our 15th annual flagship event. 90% of the things I worry about never happen.75.
80% of people are caused by accidents.294. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.3. You do not need a parachute to skydive. If everything seems to be coming your way, you’re probably in the wrong lane.256. A bus station is where a bus stops.
Summer!How do teddy bears keep their den cool in summer?
A man who dares waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life. When you go to the drugstore, why are the condoms not in with the other party supplies?351. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. It matters not whether you win or lose: what matters is whether I win or lose.175. Then I’m gonna put pins into all the locations that I’ve traveled to. My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.20.
I’m multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time.215.
The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.320. If winning isn’t everything why do they keep score?98. Refrigerator.116.
Many of these funny one liners are from legendary comedians and others are from random or unknown people.
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But sometimes they don’t make sense. It’s so simple to be wise. Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? I miss him!362. A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.92. Got two minutes to spare? Others whenever they go.65. The ones who learn by observation. Silence doesn’t mean your sexual performance left her speechless.276. We do also share that information with third parties for Click Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday.You may unsubscribe at any time.
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia: Fear of long words.248.
Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.134. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.41. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.208.
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.62. You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they’re going.120. We've got some of the cutest and funniest beach one-liners and beach home decor items perfect for your Topsail beach house—and every kind of beach lover. Gedrukt op een 300 grams duurzaam papiersoort met het FSC-keurmerk. When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas!335. Verkrijgbaar op verschillende formaten.
There are two kinds of people who don’t say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.352.
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